Saturday, November 30, 2013

Teeth and hair are what we equate with youthfulness and hanging on to them for as long as possible can become an obsession. Most dogs aren’t like that and my old Yorkie, Deuce is no exception but the last time I took him to the vet she looked into his mouth and said, “where’d his teeth go?” I said, “Well, I dun no Doc, they were there the last time I got close enough to smell his breath”. And then she said, “Well, this dog needs dental care!” Deuce has been without “dental care” his entire life and if his “dental care” costs anything like mine has lately, I’m either buying soft dog food or he’s going to lose a few pounds. “Dental care” could be anything from teeth cleaning to extractions and filling cavities, not to mention teaching them how to gargle and spit. Besides, he hasn’t said anything about his teeth hurting and he’s too short to see in the mirror, so I’ll wait until he starts complaining and then just have him “put to sleep”. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why he hasn’t complained. I wonder if we get all our teeth back when we go to heaven. Of course I wouldn’t have him really “put to sleep” he does enough of that around the house. It’s gotten so we spend most of our time checking to see if he’s still breathing and the only way he’ll walk is if you take him far enough away from the bed that he knows he’s got just enough time to get back if he wants to squeeze in a nap before supper.
 
The truth is, I’ve been places recently where there is no “dental care” and those folks seem to get along fine. Saw a nice looking young couple coming out of the Dollar Store over in Alabama, just last week. He looked at her, she looked at him and they smiled that young folks’ smile. I could see the love but neither head projected nary a tooth. They were giving each other that, “I’m gonna gum you all over look” as they reached for each other’s hand. It looked sort of, well, natural if you will and I started to think, why couldn’t we all be like that? After all, we all lose our teeth eventually; it’s a fact of life, like going gray or buying a convertible. And while we’re on the subject of gray, can’t we be sensible and realize that everybody knows we’re gray headed even with a head of hair as black as a crow’s wing, when our face looks like a road map? I saw one of those TV preachers the other day with a head of dark blue hair, a hedgerow of gray eyebrows and a face that looked like “forty miles of bad road”. I wonder if his television ministry would still be around if he showed up toothless with a head of gray hair? Of course he could see an “increase” as they say when people saw his lack of “dental care” but I’ve heard toothless preachers are hard to understand. I contend if we could accept the inevitable we might be happier and have more friends our own age. The other side of that coin is a bad toupee. I used to play badminton with a fellow who wore one. You could always beat him with a good drop shot because he didn’t want to bend over far enough to hit the birdie back.

It’s not my intention to mislead here because there are disadvantages to not having teeth and one would have to be the increased potential for mispronouncing words. As you may or may not be aware, the proper pronunciation of words requires at least the central and lateral incisors, the ones in front used for eating corn. Without them you are subject to being misunderstood, which could be dangerous in today’s society, not being able to use the “th” and “f” sounds. And while I don’t claim to be a speech expert, I do know one plus I haven’t heard Deuce say "thank you” in months. We don’t feed him corn because it’s fiber. Think about it.
 

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